And the next form, and the next form, and the next form. I don't think I have ever filled out so many forms! Some of the forms were easy. Name, date of birth, height, weight, etc. Others required a lot of thinking. One of the first forms we filled out was our APQ or Adoption Planning Questionnaire. We had to make a lot of difficult decisions regarding our future baby. For example, what races were we open too? What would we allow in the birth mother's medical history? What substance usage were we willing to accept? Of course, if I could carry the baby myself, none of these things would be an issue. But we had to think long and hard about some of these things. We were required to allow cigarette smoking daily. I have never touched a cigarette in my lifetime. But we did our research and were as flexible as possible with medical history and drug usage as long as no permanent harm would be done to the baby.
Next, we moved on to the Home Study. It took us about a month to gather up all of the documents that were required to take this next step. Here is a small list of some of the documents that were required of us to be "approved" as a family... FBI background check, birth certificates for every member of our household, medical forms from a physician stating that we are in good health, tax forms, report cards, vaccination records for our children AND our dog! Once we had all of those (and many more) ready, we opened up our home to a social worker. Thankfully, our social worker was very kind and extremely helpful. However, it still felt a bit odd to pour out your life story to someone you have never met. All the while, wondering in the back of your head what your social worker is thinking about you and your life and your home and your parenting. Oh my, is it overwhelming! The social worker then takes a tour of your home to make sure it is appropriate for a child. Good thing, since two children already live here, right? Oh, and a big shout out to Jon's mom and dad who helped us scour and clean before our first home visit. We handed over our monumentous stack of paperwork to the social worker and scheduled another home visit for two weeks later. (The state of Missouri requires two home visits before and after placement of a child.) The second home visit was much more relaxed and even though I was still nervous, our social worker was a good listener and after reading her report, I realized that I shouldn't have been. She really was just listening to our story and wasn't there to judge, but simply to report. Her written report was beautiful, making our life sound quite amazing actually. I realized after reading some one else's view of our lives, how wonderful our life really is. It is easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day motions of life. The getting up, making breakfast, dressing children, working, eating, sleeping parts of life that aren't very exciting but still must be done. What the home visit did for me is to help me see a birds eye view of our life. It helped me to step out of the nitty gritty and see the big picture. And I am happy to report, that our home study was approved by American Adoptions making us just a little bit closer to our goal of bringing a little baby home to join our family!
The next form was our family profile. The articles and information we submitted on this form would be viewed directly by birth mothers. How do you wrap up your life in print? At first, it felt like we were trying to sell ourselves and convince a birth mother how great we were and what a great family we would make for her child. But honestly, once again it caused me to dive deep in introspection and really think about what was important and valuable. I wrote descriptive language to explain our lives, our activities, our families, our home, and our community. I described what daily life would be like in our family to a potential birth mother. I described our faith, our values, and our principles. (Jon attempted to write a few of the articles, but I had to take over. My wonderful husband is a technical writer, not a descriptive writer. He wrote the basic facts. Such as, "we live in a neighborhood that has approximately 25 homes." If he would have written these articles, I am quite certain we would never get a match!)
The hardest form of all was the letter to the birth mother. How can you explain in 500 words how desperately you want to be a mommy again? How you long to hold a precious little one in your arms, even if that little one didn't grow in your own womb? I have the upmost respect for a woman who decides to give her child life and then chooses another woman to be that child's mommy. What do you say to the woman who will give your child life? Her arms will be empty but mine will be full. I know the grief of empty arms. What a tremendous decision the birth mother is going to make. I wrote this letter with deep gratitude and humility. I hope that it speaks love and honor from my mother's heart to the heart of the birth mother that God has intended for our family's match.
Once all of our forms were completed, we submitted them to the agency. And now, we wait. The agency takes all of our submissions to create a print profile that will be shown to potential birth mothers. We haven't seen our profile yet, but are eagerly awaiting its completion.
What we continue to find ironic is the fine tooth comb process we have been through to adopt a child compared to how we just "decided" to become parents with our biological children. Doesn't seem fair does it? It is such a lengthy process to prove ourselves as acceptable parents for our adopted child. However, I am quite certain it will be worth it all. I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms. It will be worth every paper cut and every form. We have certainly learned a lot about ourselves along the way.
Next, we moved on to the Home Study. It took us about a month to gather up all of the documents that were required to take this next step. Here is a small list of some of the documents that were required of us to be "approved" as a family... FBI background check, birth certificates for every member of our household, medical forms from a physician stating that we are in good health, tax forms, report cards, vaccination records for our children AND our dog! Once we had all of those (and many more) ready, we opened up our home to a social worker. Thankfully, our social worker was very kind and extremely helpful. However, it still felt a bit odd to pour out your life story to someone you have never met. All the while, wondering in the back of your head what your social worker is thinking about you and your life and your home and your parenting. Oh my, is it overwhelming! The social worker then takes a tour of your home to make sure it is appropriate for a child. Good thing, since two children already live here, right? Oh, and a big shout out to Jon's mom and dad who helped us scour and clean before our first home visit. We handed over our monumentous stack of paperwork to the social worker and scheduled another home visit for two weeks later. (The state of Missouri requires two home visits before and after placement of a child.) The second home visit was much more relaxed and even though I was still nervous, our social worker was a good listener and after reading her report, I realized that I shouldn't have been. She really was just listening to our story and wasn't there to judge, but simply to report. Her written report was beautiful, making our life sound quite amazing actually. I realized after reading some one else's view of our lives, how wonderful our life really is. It is easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day motions of life. The getting up, making breakfast, dressing children, working, eating, sleeping parts of life that aren't very exciting but still must be done. What the home visit did for me is to help me see a birds eye view of our life. It helped me to step out of the nitty gritty and see the big picture. And I am happy to report, that our home study was approved by American Adoptions making us just a little bit closer to our goal of bringing a little baby home to join our family!
The next form was our family profile. The articles and information we submitted on this form would be viewed directly by birth mothers. How do you wrap up your life in print? At first, it felt like we were trying to sell ourselves and convince a birth mother how great we were and what a great family we would make for her child. But honestly, once again it caused me to dive deep in introspection and really think about what was important and valuable. I wrote descriptive language to explain our lives, our activities, our families, our home, and our community. I described what daily life would be like in our family to a potential birth mother. I described our faith, our values, and our principles. (Jon attempted to write a few of the articles, but I had to take over. My wonderful husband is a technical writer, not a descriptive writer. He wrote the basic facts. Such as, "we live in a neighborhood that has approximately 25 homes." If he would have written these articles, I am quite certain we would never get a match!)
The hardest form of all was the letter to the birth mother. How can you explain in 500 words how desperately you want to be a mommy again? How you long to hold a precious little one in your arms, even if that little one didn't grow in your own womb? I have the upmost respect for a woman who decides to give her child life and then chooses another woman to be that child's mommy. What do you say to the woman who will give your child life? Her arms will be empty but mine will be full. I know the grief of empty arms. What a tremendous decision the birth mother is going to make. I wrote this letter with deep gratitude and humility. I hope that it speaks love and honor from my mother's heart to the heart of the birth mother that God has intended for our family's match.
Once all of our forms were completed, we submitted them to the agency. And now, we wait. The agency takes all of our submissions to create a print profile that will be shown to potential birth mothers. We haven't seen our profile yet, but are eagerly awaiting its completion.
What we continue to find ironic is the fine tooth comb process we have been through to adopt a child compared to how we just "decided" to become parents with our biological children. Doesn't seem fair does it? It is such a lengthy process to prove ourselves as acceptable parents for our adopted child. However, I am quite certain it will be worth it all. I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms. It will be worth every paper cut and every form. We have certainly learned a lot about ourselves along the way.